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--- song:ballad-of-murder-hobos [2020/03/18 08:58] – Jeff Bigler
+++ song:ballad-of-murder-hobos [2020/03/18 09:07] (current) – Jeff Bigler
@@ Line 1: / Line 1: @@
+====== The Ballad of the Murder Hobos ======
+Lyrics © 2019 by Nyx and Jeff Bigler
+Tune is “To Morrow” © by Bob Gibson (with chorus added by Nyx & Jeff)
+<abc>
+%%pageheight 11in
+%%stretchlast no
+X:1
+T:The Ballad of the Murder Hobos
+C:tune by Bob Gibson
+C:lyrics & chorus by Nyx & Jeff Bigler
+M:4/4
+L:1/8
+K:C major
+C | "C"C>CC>E G G2 G | "F"A>Bc>A "C"G3 C | C>CC>E G G2 E | "G"D>DD>E D3 C |
+"C"C>CC>E G G2 G | "F"A>Bc>A "C"G3 G | c>cc>A G>EE>C | "G"D>CC>B, "C"C3 G |
+"Am"A>AA>A "Em"G>EE>E | "Am"A>AA>A "Em"G3 G | "Am"A>AA>A "Em"G>EE>E | "D7"D>DD>D "G7"G3 G |
+"C"C>CC>E G G2 G | "F"A>Bc>A "C"G3 G | c>cc>A G>EE>C | "G"D>CC>B, "C"C4 ||
+A2 c2 G3 G | G>FE>F G3 C | "C"C>CC>E G G2 E | "G"D>DD>E D3 C |
+"C"C>CC>E G G2 G | "F"A>Bc>A "C"G3 G | c>cc>A G>EE>C | "G"D>CC>B, "C"C4 ||
+</abc>
+. We went into a tavern
+A-looking for some action—
+For gold and magic items
+And some heads that needed bashin’.
+The innkeeper, he looked at us
+And pointed to a man,
+Said “Talk to him, but careful,
+Be as subtle as you can.”
+So we went over to him,
+But he was in a conversation,
+So we got out our weapons
+To provide some motivation.
+A fight broke out, we killed two men
+And set the place ablaze.
+But the man we had to talk to,
+He escaped and ran away.
+//[chorus]
+Die! Die! Die!
+We're gonna kill them all!
+With sword and axe and shield
+and a big-ass fireball!
+We don't care the slightest
+What the dungeonmaster planned,
+'Cause we're the biggest, baddest
+Murder hobos in the land!//
+. We caught up to our employer
+'Bout a mile out of town.
+We said that we're the hardiest
+Adventurers around.
+He said, "My wife was taken
+By a dragon to his cave,
+And I must pay a ransom,
+Or he'll keep her as his slave!"
+"There is an amulet in Tawny-
+Port down by the wharf.
+It's hidden in the castle
+Of the Baron Pretzeldorf.
+The castle's guarded well above
+But not so much below.
+And if you enter stealthily
+Then none shall ever know."
+//[chorus]//
+. We traveled to the castle
+Where the amulet was stored.
+The wizard cast a silence spell
+And we kicked down the door.
+We carefully avoided
+Several traps along the way,
+But blasting out the amulet
+Was what gave us away.
+We ran back to the exit,
+And we triggered all the traps.
+We woke up all the sentries
+Who were busy taking naps.
+We slashed and stabbed and burned
+And left the place in disarray,
+And none survived but Pretzeldorf
+Who somehow got away.
+//[chorus]//
+. We wandered to the dragon's den
+And found the dragon there.
+We offered him the amulet
+To buy the lady fair.
+The dragon said, "It's worthless!
+The amulet's destroyed!
+It looks like it's been blasted
+By some foolish humanoid."
+We said, "Then you must fight us!"
+But the dragon took a breath
+And turned back toward the lady
+Who was quickly burned to death.
+"Take her ash and leave this place,
+I hope it all goes well.
+The amulet might still be worth
+A resurrection spell!"
+//[chorus]//
+. We swept the lady up
+And put her ashes in a box
+And went back to her husband
+And said, "Sorry for your loss."
+The man said, "Here, just take the gold!
+May you be cursed for life!"
+And went to find a healer
+Who could resurrect his wife.
+The party divvied up the gold
+And said, "Wow that was fun!
+It's lucky that we're all so smart
+And nice to every one!"
+The dungeonmaster shook his head
+And gave a hearty sigh.
+He said, "You all are psychos!
+Now get out of here!  Goodbye!"
+//[chorus]//